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A disgruntled professional hockey player (Dwayne Johnson) becomes a tooth fairy for twerpy Tracy (Stephen Merchant) and his boss (Julie Andrews) in the fantasy “The Tooth Fairy.” |
Look, I’d be willing to pull out all of my teeth and place them under my pillow if I could only, instead of a few measly dollars, retrieve the 101 minutes of my life I lost watching this inane, condescending kiddie comedy that doesn’t know what it’s doing from one scene to the next.
At the beginning of Michael Lembeck’s family fantasy and movie mess “The Tooth Fairy,” Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson’s character, a burned-out professional hockey player named Derek, shouts, “Dreams are bad! They’re useless!”
At the end, Derek is all about seeing the light.
“I get it!” he shouts. “Dreams are good!”
Derek starts out as a prima donna on ice, an egotistic superstar who only cares about himself and can’t relate to others, not even his single mother girlfriend Carly (a now-matronly Ashley Judd) or her two children, taciturn teen Randy (Chase Ellison) and adorable little Tess (Destiny Whitlock).
After a forced stint as an officially sanctioned tooth fairy under Julie Andrews’ direction, Derek presumably becomes a better human being who appreciates kids and Carly.
But if that’s true, why does he still lie to her? And, why does the movie condone this?
Who whipped up this morally dumbfounding drivel, anyway? (Read more…)