Warning to Filmmakers: Your movie might be in danger of critical evisceration if it has:
| 90. | Characters who smash TV sets to illustrate their anger over hearing an upsetting news report. (Jack Nicholson in “Batman,” Joe Don Baker in “Congo,” Dan Hedaya in “To Die For,” Rebecca DeMornay in “Never Talk to Strangers.”) |
| 89. | Narrators who turn out to be dead and therefore can’t possibly be telling us a story. (“Menace II Society,” “Vampire in Brooklyn,” “American Beauty.” Note: “Sunset Boulevard” exempted.) |
| 88. | Two or more characters who scream in tandem as they’re about to crash or fall off a cliff. (Steve Martin and John Candy in “Planes, Trains and Automobiles,” James Garner and Jack Lemmon in “My Fellow Americans,” the Olsen twins in “New York Minute,” Chris Owen, Will Friedle, Louise Lasser and Renee Taylor in “National Lampoon’s Gold Diggers,” Timothy Hutton and Queen Latifah in “Last Holiday,” Will Ferrell, Danny McBride, Anna Friel in “Land of the Lost.”) |
| 87. | Characters who foreshadow something bad by saying, “I have a bad feeling about this!” (Ryan Reynolds in “The Proposal,” Tea Leone in “The Family Man,” Chris Owen in “National Lampoon’s Gold Diggers,” “Nia Long in “Boiler Room,” Carrie Fisher in “The Empire Strikes Back,” Nicolas Cage in “The Rock.”) VARIATIONS: “I have a bad feeling!” — John Leguizamo in “What’s the Worst That Could Happen?” “I have a terrible vibe about that!” — Oliver Platt in “ Ready to Rumble” “I’ve got a bad feeling!” — Diane Lane in “The Perfect Storm” “I have a bad feeling about this place!” — Bill Paxton in “Aliens” “I have a bad feeling,” Vince Vaughn in “Made.” “I have a bad feeling about this new guy!” Erik Stolhanske in “Club Dread.” |
| 86. | Characters who show how funky and fun they can be by breaking into an impromptu song. (Bill Paxton in “Evening Star,” Kevin Anderson in “Sleeping With the Enemy,” Keanu Reeves in “Feeling Minnesota,” Peter Gallagher in “To Gillian on Her 37th Birthday.”) |
| 85. | Characters who break out into an impromptu song, then everyone else in the room joins in for backup vocals. (Tom Cruise in “Top Gun,” Rupert Everett in “My Best Friend’s Wedding,” Angelina Jolie in “Life or Something Like It,” Mike Tyson in “The Hangover.”) |
| 84. | Characters who demonstrate how fun and funky they can be by singing along with a song on the radio. (Val Kilmer in “At First Sight,” Matthew Settle and Mekhi Phifer in “I Still Know What You Did Last Summer,” Drew Barrymore in “Never Been Kissed,” Kate Winslet in “Holy Smoke,” Kevin Spacey and Annette Bening in “American Beauty,” Loretta Devine in “Urban Legends: Final Cut,” Tea Leone in “The Family Man,” Chris Kattan — twice — in “Corky Romano”) |
| 83. | Characters who express exasperation by loudly announcing, “I can’t do this!” (Winona Ryder in “The Informers,” Scott Mechlowicz in “EuroTrip,” Jim Carrey in “Horton Hears a Who!” Kevin Bacon in “Rails & Ties,” Cuba Gooding, Jr. in “What Love Is,” Juliette Lewis in “Catch and Release,” Mandy Moore In “Because I Said So,” Tom Hanks in “The Terminal,” Bill Murray in “Garfield,” Burghart Klaubner in “Goodbye, Lenin!” Eric Bana in “Munich,” Dominic West and Julianne Moore in “The Forgotten,” Jamie Kennedy in “Son of the Mask,” Jamie Foxx – three times — in “Collateral,” Ben Foster in “Get Over It,” Josh Hartnett in “40 Days and 40 Nights,” Piper Perabo in “Coyote Ugly,” Anne Hathaway in “The Princess Diaries,” Michael Douglas in “Traffic,” John Cusack in “America’s Sweethearts,” Greg Kinnear and Cate Blanchett in “The Gift.”) VARIATIONS: “You can’t do this!” Belle in “Beauty and the Beast.” “We can’t do this! Chris Kattan in “Corky Romano.” “I can’t do it!” Matt Damon in “All the Pretty Horses.” “I don’t know if I can do this!” Bridget Fonda in “Kiss of the Dragon.” “We’re not doing this!” Josh Lucas in “Around the Bend.” “I’m not doing this!” Christopher Walken in “Around the Bend.” “I’m not doing that!” Christopher Walken in “Around the Bend.” “I can’t do that!” Freddie Highmore in “Finding Neverland.” “I can’t do that!” Kristen Stewart in “The Messengers.” “I don’t want to do this!” Meg Ryan “In the Cut.” “I don’t know if I can do this!” Debra Messing in “The Wedding Date.” “I don’t know if I can do this!” Pierce Brosnan in “The Matador.” “I don’t know if I can do this!” Amy Adams in “The Wedding Date.” “I can’t do this any more!” Cecile De France in “High Tension.” “I’m not doing this!” Kathy Bates in “Little Black Book.” |
| 82. | Stories that turn out to be a character’s dream or fantasy, like the entire ninth season of CBS TV’s “Dallas.” (“North,” “Boxing Helena,” “Jacob’s Ladder.” Note: “Wizard of Oz” exempted.) |
| 81. | Characters who strive to be likable by breaking into a funny, impromptu dance when they’re alone, or think they’re alone. (Tom Cruise in “Risky Business,” Madchen Amick in “Sleepwalkers,” Robin Williams in “Mrs. Doubtfire,” Amy O’Neill in “Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.”) VARIATION: Characters who strive to be likable by breaking into a funny, impromptu dance with each other. (Cher, Christina Ricci and Winona Ryder in “Mermaids.”) |
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