 |
Barney Ross (director Sylvester Stallone), right, gets the drop on Gunner Jensen (Dolph Lundgren), who has the drop on Ying Yang (Jet Li) in the action thriller “The Expendables.” |
What’s up with Sylvester Stallone’s face?
The star, co-writer and director of “The Expendables” looks as if he’s had his head reconstructed with Silly Putty, and his eyebrows have been embroidered on to his skull by an inebriated seamstress.
Maybe it’s just the soldier-for-hire he plays. If he runs out of bullets, he can always scare his enemies away.
But I digress.
“The Expendables” will go down in Hollywood history as the greatest waste of testosterone ever splattered on the silver screen.
This ridiculous, brain-dead and viciously violent mercenary action film assembles the largest group of major tough guys ever to escape from the 1980s with their AARP cards intact: Stallone, Dolph Lundgren, Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Eric Roberts and Mickey Rourke.
Hey! What happened to Chuck Norris, Steven Seagal and Jean-Claude Van Damme? Too busy to stop by for a roundhouse kick or two?
Before “Terminator” and “Die Hard” fans start drooling, it should be noted that the Governator and Willis appear in “The Expendables” for about as long as you see them in the coming attraction trailers.
After trading quips, Schwarzenegger and Willis wisely disappear for the rest of the movie before it deteriorates from nostalgic cuteness into chaotic schlock. (Read more…)