Warning to Filmmakers: Your movie might be in danger of critical evisceration if it has:
| 80. | Giant aquariums that explode and throw fish all over the set as the hero tries to escape. (Tom Cruise in “Mission: Impossible,” Arnold Schwarzenegger in “Eraser,” Mel Gibson in “Lethal Weapon 2,” Bryan Brown in “FX.”) |
| 79. | Characters who smash their phones to express anger and/or throw cell phones away to signal a change in their workaholic personalities. (Robin Williams in “Hook,” Zak Penn in “Incident at Loch Ness,” Regina King in “Ray,” Orlando Bloom in “Haven,” Robert De Niro in “GoodFellas.”) |
| 78. | Characters who shout, “I’ll see you in hell!” (Dermot Mulroney in “Goodbye Lover,” Joe Pantoliano in “Ready to Rumble,” Jason Mewes in “Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back,” Jennifer Tilly in “Bride of Chucky,” Harrison Ford in “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom,” Patrick Swayze in “Point Break,” Lance Hendricksen in “Before Dark.”) |
| 77. | Cars or other vehicles that plow into fruit stands. (“New York Minute,” “Appleseed,” “One Night at McCool’s,” “Buffalo Soldiers.”) Or into chicken crates or empty cardboard boxes or garbage cans or fire hydrants. (“Loose Cannons,” “Dirty Harry.”) |
| 76. | Hot-air balloons used as visual crutches when the plot bogs down. (“Speechless,” “Steal Big, Steal Little,” “Men Don’t Leave” and “The Ugly Truth” Note: “Wizard of Oz” exempted.) |
| 75. | Characters who shout “Showtime!” to announce they’re about to go into action. (Craig T. Nelson in “The Incredibles,” Holly Hunter in “Little Black Book,” Bill Murray in “Garfield,” Gabrielle Union in “Bad Boys II,” Vince Vaughn in “Old School,” Sean Pertwee in “Event Horizon,” Natasha Lyonne in “Slums of Beverly Hills,” Vince Vaughn in “Clay Pigeons,” Brian Henson in “Muppets From Space,” Eddie Murphy in “The Klumps,” Tommy Davidson in “Bamboozled,” Greg Kinnear in “Nurse Betty” and Nicolas Cage in “G-Force.”) VARIATIONS: “It’s showtime!” Roy Scheider in “All That Jazz.” “It’s showtime!” Nia Vardalos in “Connie and Carla.” “It’s showtime!” Debbie Reynolds in “Connie and Carla.” “It’s showtime!” Rip Torn in “Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story.” |
| 74. | Characters who wake up from nightmares by violently bolting upright in bed — and almost bashing their heads into the cameras placed dead center at the foot of the bed. (Susan Sarandon in “Safe Passage,” Scott Glenn in “Past Tense,” Julian Sands in “Boxing Helena,” Robin Tunney in “End of Days,” Nia Long in “Big Mamma’s House,” Chris Evans in “The Perfect Score,” Ashley Judd in “Twisted,” Jim Caviezel in “Bobby Short Stroke of Genius,” Jennifer Garner in “Elektra,” Jessica Alba in “The Eye,” Tom Hanks in “Toy Story 2.”) |
| 73. | Amusement parks or carnivals used gratuitously to prop up a movie. (“X-Men Origins: Wolverine,” “Hancock,” “Fly Me to the Moon,” “The Babysitters Club,” “Waiting to Exhale,” “Three Wishes,” “Norbit,” “Flicka,” “Cellular,” “Fat Albert,” “Beloved,” “A Stepped-Down Life,” “Are We There Yet?” “Hellboy,” “First Daughter,” “The Italian,” “The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen,” “Assassination Tango,” “Lucia, Lucia,” “The Core,” “Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle,” “The Natural.”) |
| 72. | Soundtracks that include the song “Born to Be Wild.” (“Lost in America,” “Armed and Dangerous,” “My Girl,” “Herbie Fully Loaded,” etc. Note: “Easy Rider” exempted.) |
| 71. | Characters who screech, “This is crazy!” (Steve Carell in “Horton Hears a Who!” Michael Showalter in “The Baxter,” Rachel Weisz in “Constantine,” Traylor Howard in “Son of the Mask,” Octavia Spencer(?) chubby mom in “Coach Carter,” Elizabeth Reaser in “Puccini for Beginners,” Anthony Edwards in “The Forgotten,” Ray Liotta in “The Last Shot,” Lindsay Price in “Club Dread,” Morris Chestnut in “Breakin’ All the Rules,” Rebecca Romijn-Stamos in “Godsend,” Jack Black in “Envy,” Dan Conroy in “The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra,” Giancarlo Esposito in “Last Holiday,” Tay Diggs in “House on Haunted Hill,” Tia Texada in “Nurse Betty,” Joan Allen in “It’s the Rage,” John Cusack in “Pushing Tin,” Angela Bassett in “How Stella Got Her Groove Back,” Kathleen Quinlan in “Breakdown,” Harvey Keitel in “Head Above Water,” Woody Allen in “Deconstructing Harry,” Martin Donovan in “Opposite of Sex,” Eddie Murphy in “Dr. Dolittle,” Mike Meyers in “Austin Powers,” Anthony Hopkins in “Meet Joe Black.” VARIATIONS: “It’s insane!” Andrew Daley in “What Love Is.” “It’s crazy!” Alison Lohan in “Flicka.” “It’s so crazy!” Victor Rasuk in “Haven.” “That’s just crazy!” Keanu Reeves in “Constantine.” “That’s crazy!” Will Smith in “Hitch.” “That’s crazy!” Freddie Highmore in “Finding Neverland.” “This is insane!” Nicole Kidman in “Birth.” “This is insane!” Justin Kirk in “Puccini for Beginners” “This is insane!” Greg Kinnear in “The Matador.” “This is (bleeping) crazy!” Chris Evans in “London.” “This is (bleeping) insane!” Chris Evans in “London.” “This is absolutely crazy!” Stephen Tobolowsky in “Frankie and Johnny Are Married.” “It’s crazy!” Morgan Spurlock in “Super Size Me.” “It’s crazy!” Jay Mohr in “Seeing Other People.” “It’s crazy! Andy Richter in “Seeing Other People” |
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